But on the other hand, if you are chasing after every latest trend as fast as you can, and you keep getting rejection letters with comments like, “not unique enough” or “too much like what we're already publishing,” then you may need to look inwardly and figure out what it is you have to say as a commercial writer that everyone else isn't already saying.

It's a difficult balancing act, walking the line between what we love to write and what the public seems to want to read. How do we find that balance.

Cindy: You've got me! I clearly haven't figured it out, considering I've published just one book and the truly "commercial" (ie. might make you some bucks) publishers weren't interested in the story. So, first, I'd like to caveat this convo by making it clear that neither you (I'm assuming...) nor I (let's hope not!) have anything against small press or e-publishers. However, for the purposes of this column, we're focusing on traditional, buy-the-product-in-a-bookstore, pays-advances type of publisher. Because small press and epublishers would probably love a sexy space cowboy story, so that "market" actually/hopefully/maybe/kinda exists.

Jamie: It comes down to how we define marketability. While there is a market, small or large, for every conceivable type of story, the problem in publishing is always how to make that market aware of the product, and books are notoriously hard to advertise effectively. I would say a reasonable definition of marketable is “appealing to a large enough cross section of the public that a large publisher will want to buy it.”

Cindy: Hey, that definition works for me! I knew there was a reason you're my critique partner--these odd little niblets of brainiosity you toss out now and then. Okay, now that we've definied marketability, let me say that I think it's nearly impossible not to get affected by trends these days. Writers no longer work alone in our grungy garrets--

Jamie: Speak for yourself!

Cindy: Are you arguing the grungy, or the alone? You know, I understand that you don't work "alone," considering those "voices" running rumpant in your head, but I was referring to the fact that we don't write in little cubicles with a dozen other writers surrounding us in their little cubicles. We're "alone," (okay, maybe with kids torquing around in the background) in our lovely offices/kitchen tables/corners of the bedroom, but we can easily connect to other writers and to what's happening in the market through the Internet, email listservs, as well as attending conferences and listening to editors and agents speak about current trends. The trick, I think, is to only chase a trend if it's something you're also actually passionate about writing. Or...if you can bend what you're passionate about writing just a wee tad to fit the trend, then, yeah, the chase might be worth it.

Jamie: Actually I was saying I DO work alone in a grungy garret, but anyway… Another pitfall in chasing trends is that by the time you write the book, the trend may be fading. Or if you are not as in the know as you think you are--

Cindy: Well, of course I'm in the know! What are you imply--

Jamie: --you might be jumping on the bandwagon of a trend that's dying already.

Cindy: All right, yeah, yeah, sounds familiar...

Jamie: So you really have to be sure of what you are doing if you take off after a trend in your writing.

Cindy: Like, if you happen to have a crystal ball handy and can foretell if and when the trend will end, good for you!

Jamie: But let's say you want to write an action-adventure chick lit novel, and you are sure your book will be the cutting edge of a new trend you are only starting to see hints of in the marketplace, and you know you can write fast enough that you'll get your story in the hands of editors very soon (assuming they don't let it sit in their slush pile for a year), then you may be in a great position as far as chances of selling your story. Assuming you write it well. But all these qualifiers I've added to this paragraph really emphasize how difficult it is to write to the latest trends, no?

Cindy: Actually, as much as I hate to admit it, yes, they do. I mean, the trick to riding a trend well is to catch it on the upswing. However, because most of us do not possess crystal balls, the *best* way to ride a trend is to create one. Seeing as we're talking chick lit, to write a BRIDGET JONES, as it were. You know, not now, but back before no one else, or very few elses, were doing it. Because some could argue that the "classic" bad job/bad boyfriends BRIDGET JONES style of chick lit novel is currently flopping around the marketplace like a dying fish. Meanwhile, Young Adult novels are enjoying a huge resurgence. Erotica and erotic romance are booming, and paranormal is coming back. Of the three, in my opinion,Young Adult is the biggest "trend." It felt "gone" for several years and now suddenly it's like it's been reinvented. It's more hip, less about teenage romance and more about the empowerment of young women who may or may not get the guy. And previously unpublished writers as well as writers already established in romance or chick lit are selling YA by the bucketload.

Jamie: It's fun to watch trends and speculate about what the next big thing will be, but ask any editor and they'll nod vigorously about the fact that everything in publishing is cyclical.

Cindy: And they'll probably admit that they have no freaking clue what the next trend will be! Or which one will cycle around again. I mean, trends are largely determined by what book buyers are clamoring to read, right? In some ways, editors are just as much at the mercy of trends as we writers are. Although sometimes they are slow to admit a trend is on the upswing....

Jamie: For a while paranormal books, for instance, are wildly popular, then the market gets overpopulated by them, often quality declines as publishers rush to chase after the big trend, and then readers tire of that type of book. Sales decline, and suddenly you can't pay anyone to buy your paranormal romance. The same can be said of every subgenre.

Cindy: Exactly. I believe the readership is still there, but it shrinks to the point of non-marketability--as we've defined it (see beginning of column for you inattentive types). That's when small presses and epublishers can do well. Small presses and epubs picked up the paranormal slack when it couldn't be found in the commercial publishing marketplace. Now paranormal is becoming commercial again, and so the big, traditional publishing houses are jumping on the bandwagon (however long it might be rolling along), and the paranormal manuscript that's been sitting under your bed for years might suddenly find a slot. The same could be said about erotica. Once formerly only seen for sale on epublishers' websites, erotica and erotic romance are now making huge headways into commercial publishing. That trend is on the upswing...but does that mean a writer should hop on the erotica bandwagon?

Jamie: Only if it’s a trend they can really get into. Any subgenre can only appeal to a select group of writers, and stretching to try to write, say, erotic romance, when you are the kind of person who thinks sex should remain behind closed bedroom doors both on the page and off, is not a good idea.

Cindy: Agreed.

Jamie: No matter how badly you want to sell a book, and no matter how much you think you can force yourself to write sexy just to sell, your real attitude will come across in the story one way or another. It often shows up in the heroine’s attitudes about sex, which are subconsciously the writer’s attitudes if he or she isn’t careful.

Cindy: Ah, you're so politically correct, including the guy writers!

Jamie: So maybe she has to justify a one night stand with some convoluted reasons for doing it, or she worries too much about looking “slutty” by hopping into bed with a guy, or whatever.

Cindy: Again, I find myself nodding in agreement (not that anyone can see me nodding--rest assured, I am).

I do want to say, though, that there's no harm in a writer trying to write sexy because she knows "sexy" is currently hot in the marketplace. However, if, during your writerly experimentations, you find yourself uncomfortable with what you're writing, then back off big time. Just because a trend exists doesn't mean it's for you.

Jamie: I absolutely think writers should experiment as much as possible, and if a trend is hot that you’ve never tried writing before, why not try it? Just because you haven’t written a really sexy book, for instance, and are a little apprehensive about trying it (because, of course, what will Grandma think?!), doesn’t mean you wouldn’t do a great job with a little practice.

Cindy: Or a LOT of practice. You know, like acting out the sexy scenarios before you write them (wink, wink)....

Jamie: Of course! That’s the number one benefit of being a romance author-­sex is considered research! Whether the subgenre is erotic romance or paranormal or romantic suspense, you have to feel a passion for it in your gut to do it justice on the page.

Cindy: Passion in the gut? I feel the need to make another idiotic response, but I'll restrain myself. Because, you know, I think we're in agreement!

Jamie: Could it be?! Both of us agreeing so quickly?

Cindy: It's amazing, it might never happen again, so we'd better take advantage of it (just like a clever writer might take advantage of a trend--oh, what a marvelous segue!) Okay, in summation (don't I sound smart?), trends are all well and good, and writing to trends isn't necessarily a bad idea. Writing to a trend just might get you a sale. But when editors and agents themselves have no idea what the next trend will be or how long the current trend will last, there's no blinkin' sense in writing to a trend unless you also LOVE the genre you're writing. Because then you're writing from the heart, and if you happen to catch a trend, so much the better. But if the trend dies before you make your sale, you still have a book you love, and all you need to do (yeah, right, all) is wait for the trend to cycle back again. Then you can catch it on the upswing and land on the New York Times list! (Hey, I can dream).

Jamie: Ah, such wisdom, Cindy. Such clarity of thought. I’m glad I could lead you to all these brilliant observations. Heh.

Cindy: Ahem. Yes, Jamie, where would I be without you?

Jamie: Awareness of trends, and experimenting with them, can only help us get to know ourselves better as writers, and that is never a bad thing. The longer you write, the more you try new things, the more you will know exactly what it is you should be writing. And whether it’s part of a trend or not, finding your niche and excelling in it is the key to setting yourself apart as a writer.

Cindy: And setting yourself apart as a writer is the key to success, whether that's making your first sale, or breaking out from category to single title, or switching genres as an established author. Now if only I could find my damn key!!!

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The Girl Talk Gift Guide

Jamie: ‘Tis the season for holiday shopping, and that has me thinking about the important issues facing writers and their family members. Namely, how to handle the agent/editor gift giving issue, and also, what to buy for the writers in your life.

Cindy: You mean I'm expected to buy gifts for the writers in my life? Like, you want me to buy you a gift? As if my wonderful friendship isn't enough. Sheesh. Oh, or do you mean we should talk about what non-writers can buy us? Now that's a topic I can sink my teeth into! I'd like one 6'2" personal Swedish masseuse named Sven. He'd come to my house twice a week to massage my aching shoulders--and he'd be a tax write-off, because my shoulders only ache as a result of all this darn typing.

Jamie: Of course I meant ideas for what other people can buy for us! Duh. I mean, really, what do you think I am? An altruist?

Cindy: Well, I might if I knew what "altruist" meant. Either I'm slower than Homer Simpson on rewind or I've been relying too much on my word-processing software's thesaurus, which refuses to acknowledge words like "carnal" and "pulchritude." By the way, I just checked, and it doesn't like "altruist" either. I think I need a less discerning dictionary and thesaurus. Hey, maybe someone can buy me a massive hard cover dictionary for Christmas! I'll put that on my Girl Talk Gift Guide list.

Jamie: As we’re making out our lists for Santa, there are plenty of toys suitable for writers (besides Sven) that non-writerly-types (like Santa, and your mother-in-law) would not think to buy for you unless you hint subtly or not-so-subtly. Having just shopped for a new laptop computer, I can say with absolute enthusiasm that a sweet little Sony Vaio FJ series notebook would be a welcome gift for any girl writer. They’re cute and light-weight and come in adorable colors like raspberry red and sky blue and that groovy shade of green everyone is wearing right now. I think they also do have some good computer stuff in them too, like a hard drive and some other stuff. Oh, and there’s a built-in camera!

Cindy: Hmm, that camera would come in handy when Sven's around... Speaking of cameras, I'd love a new digital. Not a compact baby to shove in my purse for conferences--I already have one of those--but a humdingy digital SLR that will end my pining for my dead Pentax. My new dream camera would have so many pixels they'll clog your email if you don't compress properly, accessories galore to satisfy my inner camera geek, and, most important, a remote clicker-thingie so I can take author self-portraits for my website without running back and forth to press the 10-second shutter delay. Give this little beauty the ability to snap three frames per second so I can pretend I'm Cindy Crawford during my photo shoots, and I'm in do-it-yourself heaven! I love Canons, and I hear the Canon EOS Digital Rebel XT is a marvel. Yeah, gimme one of those.

Jamie: I have a Digital Rebel! And it is indeed my favorite gadget (did my most recent author photos and the ones here on the Girl Talk page with it). But perhaps we should discuss some more affordable options for the gift-givers who don’t want to stuff stockings with digital cameras. Like you mentioned earlier, a comprehensive collegiate dictionary is always a nice gift for a writer, but in the age of Google, it might be growing obsolete. I still get lots of use out of my Super Thesaurus though, because sometimes it’s fun just to browse through looking for words that might spark my imagination when I’m trying to think of a title.

Cindy: Affordable gift ideas? That's no fun! But if you insist... I'm a sucker for desk supplies. I'd love a new letter-opener that's not just a razor blade inserted in a hunk of plastic. Funky desk organizers and bookends are another great choice. I find The Bombay Company a great source of inspiration for all these sorts of gifts.

Jamie: Yes, that’s a great store if you fancy yourself one of those old fashioned writers who sits at an antique desk in a velvet arm chair, penning the Great American Novel with a feather-quill pen and a leather-bound journal, unlike tacky people like me who write while lazing around in bed or while sitting outside in a lounge chair.

Cindy: We can't all have class, Jamie! You're lucky that I naturally possess enough for us both (snicker). However, much as I love The Bombay Company, when it comes to contemporary versions of the feather quill, I just adore gold Cross pens. I have two! One with my initials engraved on it and then another without. The first was a 21st birthday gift from my now-husband, but I lost it in the waterbed (don't ask) for several years, so he had to buy me a second. I use my gold Cross pens for autographings and (in my dreams...) signing contracts, scribbling notes when discussing a story with an editor over the phone (something I indeed have done). Another affordable gift is a jump drive for backing up manuscript files. You can attach it to your keychain or stuff it in your bra and keep all your manuscripts safe with you wherever you go!

Jamie: I love that jump drive idea. It may not sound all that fun, but they do come in cute colors, and every writer should have one. www.levenger.com also has an assortment of reading and writing-related gifts, a bit like Bombay Company but more specialized. I’m still trying to get over the fact that some writers actually still write with pen and paper--­gasp!

Cindy: It all goes back to that class thing...

Jamie: LOL! I will refrain from further comment on that topic (beeyotch!), just to demonstrate that I do in fact have a little class. But anyway, at Levenger you might find, for instance, a padded tray for reading and writing in bed that would be useful.

Cindy: Or for hitting your head against when the words don't come and a brick wall isn't handy...

Jamie: Yes, there is that too. I think it could even work as a place to put your laptop, if you work on a laptop in bed. My husband would probably be happy for me to stop using his pillow for this purpose (of course I never use it while he's trying to use it…).

Cindy: I think it's sweet that you use your husband's pillow. He's your inspiration!

Jamie: Ummm, okay…

Cindy: All right, he's not, then. I am. Sheesh. As for other affordable ideas, if you're one of those writers who likes to work with the aroma of scented candles filling the room, a candle is easy enough to stuff in a stocking,. I'm not a writing-to-music person, but plenty of writers are, so CDs of a writer's favorite soundtracks are another great gift.

Jamie: You mean, like Yanni or something?

Cindy: If musical frou-frou floats your boat, sure! Or orchestral movie soundtracks. Or a compilation of popular songs that suits your work in progress. And, if someone wants to show an unpublished writer who doesn't yet have a website how much faith they have in her ability to achieve her dreams, how about buying her a domain name? Domain sellers like GoDaddy are wonderfully affordable. Call me weird, but I think buying a domain name for your writer-love is romantic.

Jamie: Absolutely. And another gift most any writer would treasure, if he or she doesn’t already have one, is an AlphaSmart Neo, a delicious little portable word processor with endless battery life that weighs about 2 pounds and is durable enough to take everywhere. Or let’s say you’re really in the mood to splurge--­an AlphaSmart Dana is just as nifty as the Neo but has a bigger screen and a few more fancy features.

Cindy: I have an AlphaSmart, and I agree that every writer should posess such a gadget. However, while I'm in gift-receiving fantasy land, I sure wish someone would dream up a desktop computer keyboard a lot like the Microsoft Natural Keyboard--but with the number keypad on the left.

Jamie: Oh boy, here we go with another Cindy-ism (for those of you who haven’t noticed, Cindy can be a bit, um…unique).

Cindy: No, practical! You see, I'm not lefthanded, but I never use the number pad and I'm convinced that my poor right hand reaching over the frickin' keypad to get to my mouse is the source of my repetitive-stress problems. However, seeing as Mr. Bill has yet to fulfill my needs (what's his problem--too teensy a market??), I'm forced to direct our readers to Ergonomic Resources, which features dozens of ergonomic keyboards. While I've yet to test-drive any of the site's offering, the Goldtouch Adjustable Keyboard and the Maxim Split Keyboard top my list. Both have completely detachable number keypads! (Too bad they don't come in adorable, girly colors.) Of course, receiving one of these keyboards might eliminate my need for Sven. Decisions, decisions....

Jamie: Well, thinking of all the things we’d like to have is fun, but I guess the gift-giving can’t be all about what we want, huh?

Cindy: Bite your tongue!

Jamie: We should probably, um, think about the gifts we want to give other people in our writing life, like our agent and editor.

Cindy: Well, I don't have an agent or editor at the moment (ahem...), but I know my former agent and her boss appreciated the Purdy's Chocolates I sent them while with the agency. I confess it would not have occurred to me to send them holiday gifts had I not read of the practice on so many writer's loops. While I spend a lot of time obsessing over gifts for family members, I also feel the season's become way too commercial and "business gift-giving" falls into that category for me. Of course, I'm the girl who gave her high school graduation date a box of Smarties (Canadian version of M&Ms, but they taste better) rather than a pen-and-pencil set or ID bracelet (all-the-rage grad gifts back in the Dark Ages). He gave me nothing, as per our agreement not to indulge in Obligatory Grad Gift Buying--so I ate half his Smarties. In fact, I may have eaten the whole box....

Jamie: Like I said…Cindy is (ahem) unique. I agree about the holidays becoming too commercial, and so I don’t think gifts are necessary­. A card alone is completely appropriate and thoughtful. But if you have a friendly relationship and are so inclined, it can be fun to surprise your editor or agent with something thoughtful but inexpensive. Some of my favorite gifts ideas are sending a box of Mrs. Fields cookies or brownies , or a box of Jelly Bellies. My editor was thrilled with her brownies last year. Hmm, I’m detecting a junk food theme in my gift giving habits…

Cindy: I think a junk food theme sounds marvy! Lotions and bath products from a place like The Body Shop would probably also be appreciated.

Jamie: I also think it makes working together more enjoyable if you get to know your colleagues’ personal interests somewhat, and then personal gifts that cater to their interests are always fun. So if your editor is into, say, letter-writing, some luxurious stationery would be much-appreciated and doesn’t walk the line of being too personal. You definitely wouldn’t want to buy your marathon-running agent a snazzy new sports bra, for instance (unless it’s a joke and she has a great sense of humor!), but maybe a running journal would be nice.

Cindy: Jamie, you're entirely too brilliant. I love these ideas. In fact, I like them so much, I'm not going to suggest any of my own!

Jamie: It’s good also to remember that while we usually only have one agent and no more than a couple of editors, they have many authors. So I’m sure they don’t want to be inundated with desk calendars and tchotchkes.

Cindy: Whatever a tchotchke is. I'm sensing a need for that new dictionary again!

Jamie: Expendable gifts are always nice for these situations. Gift certificates, edible things, and whatever else you can think of that will be here and gone, work well.

Cindy: Hey, I could send my brave future editor or agent Sven for a day. He'd be there and gone before they knew it! Leaving them relaxed and ready to praise me. Very accommodating, that Sven. And, before anyone asks, yes, Sven has a website. But I'm not giving it out, so you'll just have to google him. You'll come up with dozens of listings, I assure you.

Jamie: Be careful whom you share Sven with. You might not be all that thrilled with him if he and your future editor fall in love and run away to live in Tahiti or something.

Cindy: Hmph, well, if that's how Sven's gonna be, he's off the Girl Talk Gift Guide. At least until next year...

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Conference Dont's

Jamie: So, a month has passed since the RWA National conference (for those of you not up on the romance industry, that’s our big yearly writing conference), and we've survived that bleak recovery period. We’ve faced a butt-load of housework and laundry, retired all those cool conference clothes to the back of the closet, and perhaps slacked off a bit on personal hygiene as we caught up on those ever-present writing deadlines.

Cindy: Oh, boy, do I ever hear you. Every year pre-conference, I hear about how attending National enthuses and excites a writer for the coming weeks and months of writing and submitting. But as much as I enjoy conference--and I do!--whenever I get home, I'm always hit by a wall of What Needs to Be Done. And a wall of How Dismal Are My Chances. And a wall of You Wimp, Cindy, Get Over Yourself and Just Do It! A kind of all-encompassing post-conference funk, if you will. Conference highs, like meeting agents currently considering your submissions, are fantastically elating. But conference lows, like running into an editor you think has your work only to discover she's already rejected it, are very sobering.

Jamie: So true, and as we look back at our conference highs and lows, there is that inevitable point when we must evaluate the things we would have done differently. Our conference “Don’t” list, if you will. Any events mentioned will withhold names of guilty parties for the sake of identity protection, and, let’s face it, the stupider incidents absolutely, positively did not happen to us. No way, no how.

Cindy: Completely. Totally making this up. The pictures of propriety, we are.

Jamie: But regardless of the guilty parties, we must all learn from little lessons like, if you board an elevator, and it’s after midnight and you’ve had perhaps a few too many sour apple martinis, and there’s another person on the elevator already, you should not, under any circumstances, start re-enacting your JLo-inspired dance floor routine to the beat of no music at all, because that other person on the elevator could very well be an editor or agent that you might someday want to/have to work with.

Not that anything like that has happened to ME, mind you.

Cindy: Wonderful example, Jamie. And I can testify to the fact that you are far too composed and gracious to ever channel JLo in an elevator (any detractors, I don't want to hear it--she's composed and gracious, darn you!). Yes, um, imbibing beyond one's capacity for reasonable conversation and behavior is definitely a Conference Don't. And, if there's a digital camera involved, delete those piccies before they wind up in the wrong hands! If it's someone else's digital camera that's involved, heaven help you. Although I hear bribes of Godiva chocolate are a handy deterrent to the piccis making themselves known.

Jamie: Oh dear, you’ve just reminded me…there is one rather incriminating photo of, um…someone I know…and a chocolate RITA statue, that must be tracked down and destroyed. I believe a suggestive sort of chocolate-licking may have been caught on film. You see, people, THESE are the kinds of things you should NOT be doing at a professional writer’s conference. What if an editor or an agent saw you licking a chocolate RITA statue in a suggestive manner? How professional would that look?

Cindy: It depends on the profession... evil grin (for the record, I gobbled--as in, consumed so quickly there was no chance a camera was involved--my chocolate RITA during the Awards, so Jamie definitely isn't talking about me). Back to my point, there's nothing wrong with getting together with old or new friends (even chocolate RITAs) and having a rarin' good time at conference. Just know (or learn from your mistakes...after you've made them) when and where to draw the line.

And, speaking of old friends, if you haven't seen someone in eons and she runs up and hugs you at a conference party, but she doesn't happen to be wearing a name tag, coming back with, "Who are you?" is probably just this side of tacky. If you find yourself the victim of such...gauche conduct, I suggest much kowtowing and prostrating oneself and genuflecting as if in the presence of the Queen. If you are forgiven, emblazon said old friend's new hairstyle in your brain FOREVER. And be prepared that she might cut it again before the next time you see her.

Jamie: Wiser words have never been spoken. And, getting back to the topic of bumping into editors or agents (preferably not while attempting to perform indecent acts with a chocolate figurine), there is a Right Way and a Wrong Way to start up a conversation with such industry professionals. It is widely regarded as an extremely bad idea to launch into a full-throttle five-minute pitch as soon an editor or agent tells you her name.

Cindy: Agreed. Of course, I'm too chickencrap to launch into a pitch immediately upon meeting an editor or agent. But even if I weren't chickencrap, in my opinion Uninvited Pitching is almost an invasion of the editor/agent's privacy, personal space, what-have-you. Yes, they're at conference to connect with writers and clients, but awaiting the promised-land question, "So, what do you write?" is probably the best approach. It's not like the editors and agents will remember every Uninvited Pitching, anyway. But they very well might remember a writer polite enough to allow them to indicate when and if they're prepared to hear a pitch.

Jamie: Same is true of the opposite tack­--which I’ll admit, at my first conference, I was guilty of--­huddling in the corner of every elevator and public place, attempting not to make eye contact with anyone. I lived in fear of bumping into an editor, worried as I was that I’d start hyperventilating, and an ambulance would be called in, and I would forever be known in the industry pro’s mind as “that weird chick who drooled on my shoe.” I wish I could have given my old newbie self a good shake and said, “Hey, they’re just other humans! Make eye contact! Talk! Be open and friendly!”

Cindy: They're humans? Really? Okay, okay, I confess that after much investigation into the matter I can indeed confirm that editors and agents ARE humans. So there's no reason not to say hi...even in a line-up for the bathroom. You can find out very interesting tidbits from an editor in a line-up for the bathroom! But, please, I BEG you, don't under ANY circumstances, shove your manuscript, your synopsis, your name tag or your business card under the stall door.

In fact, I've been wondering about this whole business card thing. Am, at this precise moment, theorizing a Myth of Business Cards. Every year before conference, RWA listservs are a-buzz with posts to the effect that the business card is one of our most effective conference tools. But ARE they? Think about it. What do you do with most of the business cards you accumulate at a conference? Maybe I'm in the minority, but unless it's a card of an editor or agent, I tend to recycle them rather quickly. And, as I discovered in my editor and agent appointments...um, so do the editors and agents! (unless, well, it couldn't have been just me, could it?)

Jamie: Hey, actually, I think business cards are great…for keeping up with new friends and acquaintances. I use them to remember people’s names (and once I have the info filed on my computer, I usually toss the cards). They’re great to have on hand, but you’re right, editors and agents surely get deluged by them, so it’s probably sensible not to offer one to them unless asked. In fact, that’s just about the only time I ever offer my card: when someone asks me for it.

Cindy: Good plan. I mean, we really shouldn't pass out business cards--or book-publicizing postcards or website-announcing pens or other promotional nig-nogs--willy-nilly to anyone and everyone we meet at conference...unless it's a streetcorner huckster conference. There's a time and a place for self-promo--it's called The Goody Room. Or the Literacy Autographing. Or, if fate shines upon you, your publisher has provided hardcover copies of your latest New York Times bestseller on every seat at a conference luncheon featuring youYouYOU as the speaker. Hawk all you want in those cases!

Jamie: What happened to you when you offered your card at the editor and agent appointments?

Cindy: The agent declined to accept my business card (even though it featured a clever, one-line blippy for my book emblazoned on the back! :::sob::: ), admitting she'd just recycle it when she returned to her office. Too many business cards, only so much Rolodex, doncha know? So, in my next appointment, I asked the editor, "Do you accept business cards, or are you likely to recycle them later?" Her graciously delivered response: "If it makes you feel better, yes, I take them. But I do recycle them." (Note: okay, so they ain't likely to shred Nora Roberts' business cards, but the majority of us aren't Nora Roberts...or Susan Elizabeth Phillips...or Jennifer Crusie...or even that Bob Mayer guy).

I'm afraid the Myth of Business Cards was conjured up to give our nervous selves something to do pre-conference!

Jamie: I think probably once upon a time, it was good advice. But then everyone in RWA heard it, and suddenly editors were faced with needing a second suitcase to carry home all the cards they’d been given at conference.

Cindy: And conference-attendees with tons of free books crammed into their luggage were forced to smuggle home all those business cards in their bras!

Jamie: Is that why you looked so lumpy on your way to the airport? I was wondering…

Cindy: Jamie, shame on you. No, that was my casino winnings. Or maybe it was the 18,000 calories I packed on enjoying the conference desserts...and that chocolate RITA. Or maybe it was the fact that I filched half your fashionista wardrobe while you were at the Harlequin party, and you're so behind in your conference laundry that you haven't discovered the missing items yet :::evil grin evolves into maniacal cackle:::.

Jamie: Well, anyway, getting back to the subject, which is, um, Conference Don’ts, right? I forget. Speaking of appearances, please don’t take other writers’ advice to dress casually or comfortably as an invitation to shlump around a professional writers’ conference looking like you would on your way to Walmart at 11PM on a Sunday night. I mean, if you’re unsure what to wear, think BUSINESS CASUAL, not t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers casual. If you bump into your dream editor in an elevator, you don’t want her first impression of you to be that you look like you might have lost your luggage.

Cindy: Even if you have lost your luggage. It's not that difficult to cram one decent "business casual" outfit into one's carry-on (such exquisite grammar, I amaze myself!). Believe me, I speak from experience, having lost my luggage en route to my very first ever RWA National conference. The heels and skirt and simple sweater top squished between my makeup case and 23 million business cards saved me!

Jamie: And if you’re on a tight budget, a few simple pairs of black (or other neutral color) pants and shoes along with an assortment of business-appropriate tops and blazers will serve you well.

Or you can be like me and pack ten pairs of high heels and enough clothes for a 21-day cruise. But then your roommate :::ahem::: might hate you for hogging all the closet space.

Cindy: Or your roommate might be so brain-dead from her air travel that she doesn't notice the lack of space. However, with each conference I attend, the more I gravitate to the "more is best" philosophy of packing. I love to have several clothing choices at conference. If I'm ever up for a Golden Heart or RITA, I'd probably pack two or three outfits. How am I to know until the evening is upon me which outfit would best suit the occasion?

Jamie: If you’re lucky enough to be up for a writing award--

Cindy: (I like how she didn't say "talented enough," knowing, as she does, my aggravating inability to final in the Golden Heart).

Jamie: --and you actually win, whatever you do, don’t talk for too long. Do prepare a little speech even if you don’t think you have a snowball’s chance of winning, and do make sure it’s under a minute long. Everyone in the audience will be happy for you, but their happiness will wane considerably the longer you talk.

Cindy: And then God help those chocolate RITAs. And the overworked bartender at the Awards Reception following. AND everyone in the elevator afterward subjected to your J-Lo impression--or did that happen at a conference party. Jamie, do you remember?

Jamie: No comment. But speaking of conference parties, I had an interesting experience this year at one, during which someone managed to introduce me to her friend and insult me ­all in the same sentence. I will not go into further details here to avoid embarrassing the person who did the insulting, but… This strikes me as a major DON’T. Even though I do have a sense of humor, this person didn’t even know me. For all she knew, I could have been the kind of girl who’d go all Jerry Springer on a person for the kind of comment she made. So to make this anecdote actually apply to the general writing public, whatever you do, try to not say insulting things or even questionable things to people at conferences. You never know how that person might be in a position to help you (or not) later in your career. And ultimately, it goes back to the issue of drinking. If you can’t hold your liquor ­if it’s likely to make you say or do stupid things-it's best not to partake at all.

Cindy: That's a very good point. Even if you do say something questionable in a moment of good humor (either under or *not* under the influence of alcohol)...well, it's probably best ONLY to joke this way with someone you know very well. Think of what you wouldn't want said to your face about your sub-genre, or the publishing house you write for, or your latest book, or the unpublished chapter you submitted to a high-profile contest...and then speak accordingly. If in doubt, channel J-Lo. Someone will hustle you into an elevator and get you up to your room pronto. And no one, I assure you, will EVER out your J-Lo aspirations on a public website.

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Finding the Right Agent

Cindy: Yes! I just typed THE END on my single title, which means I can finally start searching for a new agent. That got me thinking (unusual, I know...) about the ins and outs of agent hunts. What's more important when deciding whom to query? Or when choosing which offer of representation to accept? How author/agent personalities mesh? The agent's reputation? Whether the agent lives in New York City? Paints their toenails pink or puce? Or, gosh, do I need an agent with toenails? My mind is spinning with everything to consider. Help!

Jamie: Congratulations on finishing your book! First off, don’t even consider an agent who paints their toenails puce. That’s just wrong. Unless, of course, puce has suddenly become the "it" color of the season for fashion-forward NYC types. But if it’s a non-NYC agent, I just don’t think they could pull off the puce look (See, there IS a bias against non-NYC agents!). And then again, do you really want an NYC agent who would chase a fashion fad as dumb as puce toenails? Oh, but wait… I guess you’re looking for real agent advice, aren’t you?

Cindy: Yes, I am looking for real agent advice, you, you...very nice critique partner. Whether or not the agent has toenails or paints them puce really shouldn't enter the equation, but you know how obsessive I get. Any minute detail about an agent's style and preferences seems like such necessary information! I mean, if she (or he...) loves puce and I hate puce, then maybe we aren't a good match. If she/he sends out submissions before the polish is dry, whereas I like to triple-coat and top off with shellac, then perhaps we aren't meant to scale the bestseller lists together. If she-he...well, you get the point. If, if, if. By the way, from now on, I'll just use "she." Any male agents out there, please don't take offence. Honest, I will annoy you with my query letters, too!

Jamie: Toenails aside, I personally think it’s very hard to narrow down that whom-to-query list. This is where it’s important to network with other writers. Whether it be through the internet, or a writer’s organization like Romance Writers of America, or elsewhere, or all of the above, you have to talk to other writers and find out their experiences when it comes to specific agent names.

Cindy: I agree, and this is what I did before signing with my first agent. I amassed quite a file of handy information, too! Fool that I was, after signing I thought I wouldn't need the info on other agents again, so I tossed it.

Jamie: Doh!

Cindy: And now I, um, do need that information again. However, I don't regret tossing the old info. It was out of date, anyway. I've started collecting info anew, using the very techniques you describe (aren't I clever?), printing out every email that refers to an agent's likes and dislikes, personality and work style, toenail color, yadda; visiting agency websites and blogs; talking to other writers about their agenting experiences. All that networking is very helpful...to a point.

Jamie: It’s important to keep in mind that you can’t always trust people to be frank.

Cindy: Or earnest... Kidding aside, I know what you mean. It's not like people aren't frank out of a perverse desire to do an agent-enquiree wrong, however. Discussing one's agent is a touchy thing. I mean, here you are, trying to help a stranger, and who knows what the stranger will do with the information you relay? It could be misconstrued and somehow get back to your agent...who might not be impressed. I think that's why, particularly in email, unless someone knows you well and trusts you (or me, or any writer), the information relayed is often couched in a weird type of agent code.

Jamie: So is there some way to interpret this code writers use when talking about agents? Like, “Not the hand-holding type of agent” equals “cold, distant bitch,” ­sort of like how in real estate, brokers use phrases like “handyman’s dream” to describe a house that’s so crappy you might as well tear it down and start from scratch?

Cindy: I've never thought of researching agents in real estate terms before! You're very brilliant! So, does, "Very personable, always within easy reach of phone or email" mean the same thing real-estate-wise as "charming and cozy" - ie. her business is so small, no assistants or office workers to back her up, so she has to stay close to phone and email? Or maybe she lives so far out in the boonies that phone and email are her only connections to editors....

Jamie: Or “always within easy reach of phone or email” could mean she has so few clients she’s desperately waiting for your call. But then again, this is where personal judgment and lots of research and talking to other authors comes in handy. I would describe my own agent as very personable and always within easy reach of phone or email, and when I say that, I’m not couching it in real estate terms ­ I’m being honest. These are qualities a good agent should definitely have, so it’s important not to read too much into other writers’ comments as well.

Cindy: Yes. Because, quite frankly, one writer's "dream agent" can turn out to be another writer's freakin' buggy-eyed nightmare!

Jamie: You have to look for warning signals in your research without interpreting every cloud in the sky as a sign of imminent danger. Okay, and I know I’ve gone from one goofy metaphor to another, so I’ll shut up now.

Cindy: Actually, I think you make a very good point. I also don't think "not a hand-holder" necessarily means an agent is cold and distant. But when someone tells you their agent isn't a hand-holder, I do think it's super important to learn how to read between the lines, ask more questions of your writer contact or the agent herself (assuming you get an offer), until you're satisfied. I mean, there are degrees of hand-holding.

Jamie: And heavy petting. Oh, forgot, we’re still talking about agents…­sorry.

Cindy: Ew, gross! Let's not get into heavy-petting analogies, I beg you! That just gives me the creeps....although, you do make another point (at least I'm interpreting it that way). Example: I don't want an agent so "personable" that she turns up on my doorstep on Halloween asking for candy (unless I invite her), but neither do I want someone who's anti-hold-holding to the degree that I feel uncomfortable calling or emailing her on tricky issues. I want an agent I can imagine sitting down and having coffee with, bringing up any publishing concerns I might have and discussing them openly, but...pleasantly. If there's a problem, I want to be...coaxed into seeing her point of view. I don't want to be hit over the head with a sledgehammer and then wake up from my coma to find a sticky note reading, "Next time duck." I get enough bruises from editors and contest judges, thank you.

Jamie: I agree. We writers engage in enough self-flagellation, and we take criticism from every direction. I don’t want an agent who’s going to leave me emotionally bruised. Of course, some writers are much tougher than I am.

Cindy: Not me! I'm way wimpier. So I want someone professional but also personable. If I have to choose, though, this time I'll err on the side of personable. It's mega-important to me that I feel completely at ease with my agent. I've decided that with my new agent, the mesh-of-personalities issue is more important to me than location. I'd prefer an NYC agent, but it's not a deal-breaker (she says with complete and utterly fake confidence that she'll get an offer). Some excellent agents score their clients fantastic deals from waaaay outside New York.

Jamie: So aside from the obvious, like, don’t submit to agents who charge reading fees, and don’t submit to agents who have known criminal records, there are a really wide variety of agents out there--from the maternal, nicey-nice agent who probably couldn’t negotiate her grandmother into handing over some chocolate chip cookies, to agents so shark-like editors break out in a cold sweat when they hear their voices on the phone. But early in our careers, we often don’t get much of a choice, because we’re lucky to find one agent who’ll represent us. How do you decide which issues are deal breakers and which are not, when it's so hard to find one good agent who's really enthusiastic about our work?

Cindy: Well...I think in the end we need to go with our guts. Like I said about the dream agent versus buggy-eyed nightmare agent, a deal-breaker issue for one writer might not be a deal-breaker issue for another (aside from the obvious boners you've already mentioned). So it's great to research agents - however, there comes a point where we need to step back from all the advice and reading between the lines of others' agent experiences and trust our instincts. Don't sign with an agent just to have an agent. That's a little like closing your eyes while playing darts and praying you hit a bull's eye. Having had one agent myself, I can honestly say that it is preferable not to have an agent than to have a bad or the wrong agent (note: "wrong" in itself does not necessarily equal "bad" - my former agent is very respected in the industry and by myself, her agency and style just weren't the right personal fit for me).

Jamie: I had a similar experience with my first agent. She was friendly and well-respected, but when it came down to it, I always felt like she was the alpha dog in our relationship, and I never had the balls to really step up and be the person (or canine?) in charge of my career. This is one of the inherent problems with being a spineless weenie like me.

Cindy: So then it makes sense that one writer's horrible experience might not be another writer's horrible experience.

Jamie: Absolutely! So much of it is dependent on personalities. It’s hard to emphasize the importance of this factor. It’s truly like a marriage. One person’s dream spouse (or agent) is another person’s future rival in a bitter divorce.

Cindy: Yes, that's it exactly. The mesh-of-personalities issue is something a writer quite frankly needs to experience for herself. Now, far be it from me to advise other writers to sign with an agent after doing all that research and just see how it goes, because, if it doesn't work out, you can always leave.... (No, she's not really advising this - no, honestly, she's not - well, maybe a little). But, the more you talk with other writers, the more you realize it often can and does take two or three agent relationships before the writer finds the perfect agent for herself. Agents don't remain enthusiastic about writers who aren't working out for them. They're more likely to nudge the writer gently...or not so gently...out the door. So why should we as writers worry about sticking with an agent who isn't the right fit for us? Experimentation isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Jamie: So true. Scary as it sounds, sometimes you just have to dive in and see if you sink or swim. (Gawd, I’m the metaphor whore today!) Especially when we’re starting out, trying to find a first agent, we sometimes have to sign with whichever reputable agent shows enthusiasm for our work.

Cindy: And then dog-paddle like mad! And, who knows, that one reputable agent who believes in you when it feels like no other publishing professional does might very well turn out to be your dream agent for life. Wouldn't that be blissful? As for me, I'll fall back on my old agent-hunting M.O. and research the agents I'm querying up the whazoo. However, if I'm lucky enough to get an offer of representation (or two!), this time I'm trusting my instincts over the research when deciding with whom I'll sign. I'm going with my gut, following my heart. After all, I'm a romance writer. What else would I do?

Jamie: Grab your feather boa and your tub of bonbons and give Fabio a call to ask who his agent is? Oh, wait, that’s from my top ten list of ways NOT to search for an agent…

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Work Habits

Cindy: Hey, Jamie, for the inaugural edition of Girl Talk, I've been wondering...how do you write so fast and still have your prose make sense? I'm such a turtle writer!

Jamie: Define 'fast.' Oh, and define 'turtle writer.' Does this mean you're full of nuts and coated with chocolate?

Cindy: LOL, why, yes, at the moment I am full of nuts and my stomach is coated with chocolate, but let's not get into my calorie fetishes. Define "fast"? Someone who can write a book in 2-4 months. Weekly output? Anything above twenty pages. So, if you (or anyone reading this column--please let someone be reading it!) regularly puts out 20+ pages a day, I'd consider you mega-speedy.

As for Turtle Writer? Someone other than moi coined this phrase, but I can't quite remember who.... Let's see, if I put out 5 pages a day of good, solid writing (ie. polished), I'm ecstatic. I'm thrilled! I'm indulging in nuts and chocolate. Hmmm, maybe they're slowing me down.

Jamie: Okay, you mentioned regularly putting out twenty-plus pages a day. I've only ever heard of a few writers who can write that fast, so I'd rank that at the very upper end of speedy. Sure, there are those desperate occasions when I've been known to produce 20-30-plus pages in one day, but there's no way I could write that fast on a regular basis. I shoot for 7-10 pages per day when I'm writing a first draft, but I can produce up to 15 pages per day when I have to without frying my brain. Once I go above that page count, I'm really pushing myself, and only the imminent threat of a deadline will make me do it. For the sake of honesty though, since I write at home with small children, I'm lucky to produce a page or two a day when I've got a comfortable distance from my deadline. I only write fast once I start getting worried. :)

Cindy: Hmmm, so I need to get worried to write faster? However, now that you mention the worry quotient (or deadline quotient, to be more accurate), I do remember you not writing as fast before you sold your first book. So there's hope for me yet, right? Right? Say right, darn you!

Jamie: Right! So now that we have that clarified...dare we enter the age-old d